Collar of Consideration in BDSM: Symbolism, Meaning, and Etiquette

In the BDSM lifestyle, collars hold a significant place as symbols of trust, commitment, and power exchange between a Dominant and submissive. One of the earliest and most important collars in this dynamic is the Collar of Consideration. This collar signifies the start of a potential relationship between a Dominant and submissive, marking a period of exploration, growth, and mutual understanding. It is a tradition rooted in the Old Guard Leather community, known for its established codes of conduct, including the "Safe, Sane, and Consensual" (SSC) guidelines.

The tradition of the Collar of Consideration being blue originates from the Old Guard Leather community, where different colors carried symbolic meanings. In the case of the Collar of Consideration, blue was chosen to represent the early stages of a relationship, specifically symbolizing exploration, growth, and potential. However, the collar does not need to be blue. Like many aspects of BDSM, this is a flexible tradition that can be adapted to the needs and preferences of the individuals involved.

The short answer is no. The color, style, or material of the Collar of Consideration should reflect what is meaningful to the Dominant and submissive. While blue is customary, couples may choose a different color, material, or accessory altogether. For example, the collar can take the form of a bracelet, anklet, waist chain, or another item that works better with the submissive’s lifestyle, personal style, or even their workplace requirements. Some may prefer black or red, while others might opt for an entirely different item that feels more discreet or comfortable.

The most important aspect is not the collar’s appearance but its symbolism—representing a mutual commitment to exploring the relationship during its early stages.

The Collar of Consideration is typically the first collar offered in a potential Dominant-submissive relationship. It signals that the Dominant has a genuine interest in pursuing a deeper, more meaningful connection beyond casual encounters. This collar is offered with intent and seriousness, reflecting the desire to move beyond casual or exploratory dynamics such as Top and bottom play.

By offering the collar, the Dominant expresses a willingness to guide and care for the submissive, and the submissive, by accepting the collar, shows their readiness to commit to this stage of the relationship. This initial phase is essential for establishing trust, defining roles, and determining if both parties are compatible in terms of desires, boundaries, and expectations.

One of the key roles of the Collar of Consideration is to serve as a visible marker to others within the BDSM community. It communicates to other Dominants and submissives that the submissive is currently "off-limits" as they are in a consideration period with their Dominant. This signifies that the submissive is no longer available for casual or new encounters and that both the Dominant and submissive are evaluating the potential for a long-term dynamic.

The Collar of Consideration can be compared to a pre-engagement ring in a vanilla (non-BDSM) relationship, signifying a transitional period where both parties are taking the time to assess their compatibility. It allows space for discovery and the establishment of boundaries, limits, and expectations while remaining open to the possibility of deepening the relationship further.

Though the Collar of Consideration represents a step toward a committed relationship, it does not imply permanence. Either party may decide, after a period of time, that the relationship is not working as they hoped. In such cases, it is essential to end the dynamic respectfully and without animosity. The collar, which is considered the property of the Dominant, should be returned by the submissive as part of this respectful closure.

To properly end the relationship, the submissive should physically return the collar to the Dominant, indicating the severance of their commitment. If the submissive is unable to return the collar despite repeated attempts, they may retain it, though this is generally considered a last resort. Keeping the collar without making an effort to return it is seen as highly disrespectful in the BDSM community, as it is a symbol of the Dominant's authority and trust.

The BDSM community is rooted in traditions of respect, honor, and clear communication, and one of the strongest rules is to respect collars. When a submissive is wearing a Collar of Consideration, other Dominants are expected to refrain from approaching or pursuing them, as doing so is considered a serious breach of protocol. This rule ensures that new relationships have the space to grow without external interference.

Approaching a collared submissive, particularly one wearing a Collar of Consideration, without permission can damage the reputation of the approaching Dominant within the BDSM community. The breach is seen as dishonorable and disrespectful, as it undermines the value of the collar and the emerging relationship it represents.

The beauty of BDSM lies in its adaptability. The symbolism behind a Collar of Consideration is important, but the specifics of how it is represented—whether through a traditional blue leather collar, a discreet necklace, or another piece of jewelry—should be tailored to the couple’s needs and preferences. Flexibility and mutual understanding are key in these dynamics.

At its core, what truly matters is the mutual agreement and understanding between the Dominant and submissive. Every relationship is unique, and the collar should reflect what feels meaningful and right for both partners. The collar's material, color, or design may vary, but its significance as a symbol of early commitment and exploration remains the same.

The Collar of Consideration is a meaningful tradition within the BDSM community that marks the early stages of a Dominant-submissive relationship. While rooted in the Old Guard Leather community, with its customary blue color, this collar’s significance extends beyond its appearance. It represents a period of mutual exploration, growth, and potential commitment. Whether it’s blue, black, or any other color, the essence of the Collar of Consideration lies in its role as a symbol of respect and intent.

By understanding and respecting the protocols around the Collar of Consideration, couples can navigate their relationships with clarity, trust, and mutual respect. It’s not about following strict rules, but about finding what works best for you and your partner while honoring the deeper meaning behind this important BDSM tradition.

The Collar of Consideration is more than just an accessory—it’s a powerful symbol of the potential for love, trust, and commitment. Whether traditional or uniquely personal, the collar remains a profound marker of a relationship's early stages, with all the excitement, discovery, and respect that comes with it.